Spring Flowers
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: #Tuckson tries again...
1. Chapter 1

**Grasping at straws here…**

Olivia fought the phone. Its intermittent rings and vibrations failed to completely rouse her from sleep at first, but eventually she gave up and answered with a raspy, "Benson." Fin was calling. He and Rollins were already on scene and Olivia listened as Fin gave her the details. An intoxicated young man, half-dressed, was wielding a gun and threatening suicide at Belvedere Castle in Central Park.

Olivia sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Fin, why is this ours?" So far, his description did not fit Special Victims Unit criteria, and she hoped she would not have to scramble out in the middle of the night and, once again, inconvenience Lucy. However, he relayed one final detail which obliterated all hope for a return to slumber.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

…..

Not much had changed in the short time it took for Lieutenant Benson to arrive at the castle. Eric Hendricks, drunk and nearly naked, was now perched precariously on the ledge of the platform below the structure's only turret, simultaneously threatening to jump and shoot himself. A negotiator was en route and ESU swarmed the area, although the rocky landscape and adjacent pond posed challenges for a coordinated, organized approach. To their knowledge, Eric was alone, but Fin and Rollins were poised to enter and check for any hostages, just in case. Eric warned them that any approach would result in him pulling the trigger. Making matters more complicated was the presence of Eric's father who he apparently had called earlier that night after he'd worked himself into a confused, angry, and drunken stupor in his imprisoned grandfather's apartment.

Eric was mostly shouting incoherently, but occasionally he would mention the name "Sarah" which alarmed everyone especially since Benson had tried to no avail to contact the young woman.

"Liv," Fin said, "She could be in there."

Benson knew what he was suggesting. "ESU will want us to wait for the negotiator."

"How long's that gonna be?" Fin retorted, wanting to move in, "We've been here over two hours already. ERIC!" He shouted, apparently done talking and maybe a bit emboldened by the new Sergeant's shield hanging around his neck, "You have anyone up there with you?"

Eric didn't respond. He stared despondently at the increasing police presence down below. Then he disappeared from sight.

"What the hell?"

The operators were unable to adjust the portable floodlights in time to track Eric's movements. They waited. Finally, the ESU captain sent his team inside, but they emerged several minutes later reporting that the castle was unoccupied. Somehow, Eric had managed to slip undetected back into the park's winding pathways.

"Aw, hell," Fin muttered as he took off in the only direction the young man could've easily run. Rollins and Benson both followed but veered in opposite directions. Their flashlight beams zigzagged against the park's dark, tree-filled, cavernous spaces. Shouts pierced the midnight air.

 _"Eric Hendricks!"_

 _"Step out with your hands up!"_

 _"Eric, drop your weapon and show yourself!"_

 _"We're not gonna hurt you!"_

Their commands along with heavy, booted footsteps, mixed together in a familiar cacophony that interrupted the previously serene spring night. SVU, ESU, and patrol officers all instinctively went into chase mode, ready to protect the public from this dangerous and reckless young man.

"Eric, PUT THE GUN DOWN!"

Someone fired a shot.

Then another.

More followed. One, two, three, four, five…in rapid succession. Olivia remembered Fin once telling Captain Cragen that, if he had to fire his weapon, he was emptying "the whole gat." She shouted into her radio as she ran. Had she had time to pause and think, she would have been terrified, for the voice urging Eric to drop the gun was Fin's, but that was the last she heard of his voice. Had he dropped his radio?

Rollins got there first. She and a very-much-alive Fin were soon joined by the dozens of other officers. Everyone's eyes focused on the bullet-riddled body of Eric Hendricks. Blood had already began soaking the grassy area where he had fallen, face down, a silver-plated pistol at his side.

The ESU Captain ushered Fin from the scene. Olivia joined them, about twenty feet away, on a path that, in just a few short hours when it reopened, would be heavily populated with walkers and joggers eagerly enjoying the warm late-April day.

A crime scene tech bagged Fin's weapon. Two uniformed officers escorted him away from the park and into the sedan he and Rollins had driven to the scene. All was silent as they rode to the hospital. They knew the routine. Say nothing. Wait for your delegate. See the psychologist. Answer IAB's questions honestly but directly. Don't offer any more information than what was necessary. It was a clean shoot, and the evidence would prove it. Until then, Fin was on leave.

….

Didi Denzler dictated her spiel to Fin in the exam room. The new Sergeant issued a few perfunctory nods and hardly showed any emotion, even when his blood was drawn for the toxicology screening. He had the expression of a confident cop who was willing to wait patiently for his inevitable exoneration, so Olivia thought it was odd when she saw him frown and mutter, "Aw, _damn_."

Olivia followed his gaze through the glass and into the emergency room entryway where Captain Tucker, dressed casually in dark jeans and a long-sleeved black polo, stood flanked by two uniformed officers.

"Wait here," Olivia said. While she made her way from Fin's side to the waiting room, she tried to figure out why Ed would be here. Was there a miscommunication on the radio? Did word come through that she was the shooter or that it was her who had been shot?

For the first time since "take care of yourself, Olivia Benson," their eyes met. Olivia figured she would run into Ed again at some point, but she also assumed he would follow through with his plans to retire and the chances of them meeting on the job, especially since he was no longer with IAB, were very slim.

"Lieutenant."

He uttered the word flatly and without emotion. However, neither his tone nor his steely, skeptical, accusatory countenance did anything to hide the glint in his eyes. He fought hard to suppress the burgeoning smirk which threatened to supplant his IAB face. Though their breakup had been abrupt and, in his opinion, devoid of adequate closure, he was glad to see her.

Olivia immediately abandoned formalities. "Ed." She nervously ran her fingers through her hair.

"I didn't realize this involved one of your detectives," he said, avoiding her unspoken question and pretending to disregard the curiosity plastered across her features. "Call came through from ESU."

Following Ed's professional and practiced tenor, Olivia became protective of Sergeant Tutuola and positioned her body so Ed would have to look around her to see Fin. "He has forty-eight hours to give his statement," Olivia said even though she felt a little silly dictating procedure to the man who could probably cite NYPD's policies and procedures manual verbatim. "We'll be there tomorrow."

"Alright," Ed sniffed, "Might wanna take him out another entrance. Press is everywhere."

"Thanks."

Her reply ended up hitting Ed's back, for he had already begun making his way back through the automatic doors and into the night.

….

Leaving the hospital proved to be difficult. Olivia and Fin tried two exits before they finally escaped, unmolested, into another sedan driven by Carisi. Fin wasted no time asking about Tucker.

"He's back with IAB?"

"Apparently."

Carisi screwed up his face, "Wait a minute. Captain Tucker was there?"

"He was."

"He prolly thought it was you, Liv."

"That's what I thought, but he…didn't know it was one of us," Olivia stared out into the black Manhattan night. She gripped her phone, expecting a text from Tucker, but the device was silent. Also silent was Carisi who had been shut down one too many times to bother inquiring about the Lieutenant's personal life. Fin had trouble holding his tongue.

"How's this gonna go down?"

"I assume he'll have to recuse himself."

"It was a good shoot. Kid fired two shots at me."

"It's a good thing he did," Carisi remarked, "He'll have GSR all over his hands. Better than if he just pointed it at ya. No cams in that area. Coulda been messy."

Uninterested in further discussing the open-and-shut case, Fin shifted subjects back to Tucker. "How long has it been since you've seen him, Liv?"

Carisi stifled a grin. He was glad to be privy to this conversation even if he wasn't an active participant.

"January."

"Clean split, just like that?"

"Just like that."

Fin gave up, not wanting to irritate his longtime friend and colleague.

Olivia pretended to conscientiously flip through items on her phone for the rest of the ride successfully conveying the message that she was in no mood for talking.

….

It never failed. Sitting at the IAB interrogation table would always be intimidating even for the most innocent cop. Fin breathed a sigh of relief when a completely unfamiliar investigator entered the room to conduct the interview; he was secretly worried Tucker, his pride wounded, would come down on him more savagely than the case required regardless of the reality that the evidence weighed glaringly Fin's favor. Eric's blood alcohol level was off the charts and the preliminary bloodwork suggested his toxicology report would come back clouded with a cocktail of drugs. Crime scene techs and the medical examiner both found evidence of the gun shot residue on his hands. Sergeant Tutuola was all but cleared then and there.

Olivia and Rollins cycled in and out of another room. Draper questioned Amanda and Fin's investigator fired a few obligatory questions at Lieutenant Benson. She noticed his body language indicate this was all done merely to maintain propriety to appease a volatile public and a high-profile family. After merely fifteen minutes, Benson squinted under the too-bright fluorescent lights, bade the Sergeant farewell, and met her squad members in front of the elevator doors.

"You know what guys," Olivia said, "Go ahead on without me."

Fin smirked at Rollins. Olivia saw it, but let it go.

"We'll see ya back at the precinct, Liv." Fin said as the doors parted.

Olivia inquired about Ed's office, not sure that he would have been able to reclaim his old digs after an almost year-long absence, but she was directed to the same location and found him sitting at his desk behind a mound of accordion files and a few take-out containers. The door was slightly ajar and she knocked lightly. He mumbled a "come in" without checking his visitor's identity.

"You look busy."

He knew that voice anywhere.

 _She stopped by._

It was the first thing he thought about when he woke up that morning. _Would she stop by_? And, she did.

"Not really," he replied dryly. "Lookin' for something from a few years back and I can't seem to find it."

"You know, they have these computer files," she teased.

He squinted back at her, but made sure to convey he took the joke good-naturedly. "So I hear."

"Nice of them to give you your office back."

"Yeah it was."

Olivia took a few steps closer to him. "You, ah, left so quickly last night. I didn't get a chance to ask about," she waved her hands around, " _this_."

"Apparently I'm irreplaceable," Ed explained sardonically, still keeping his eyes mostly on his work.

A multitude of questions lined up in Olivia's mind, but Ed wasn't exactly projecting a _sit down and talk to me_ vibe.

She couldn't see it, but he was fidgeting slightly in her presence, trying to keep himself from asking his own questions which would, undoubtedly, reveal his heartbreak. He felt blood rush to his face and neck, probably darkening his naturally ruddy complexion. He fantasized about jumping up, locking the door, and kissing her passionately. Those lips. That face. Those deep brown eyes which now, upon closer inspection, were glossy…exactly how they'd appeared a few months ago when she allowed him to walk out of her life.

Olivia shifted from foot to foot and stared down at her boots. "Well, it's…good to see you. Looks like Fin'll be cleared pretty easily. So…one less headache for you."

"And for you," he retorted, "They send you another detective yet?"

Olivia couldn't tell if he was making small talk or being mean. "No…we're…we're good. I'm not sure I want to take on someone else at this point."

Ed forced a brief chuckle. "Yeah, I get that."

His tone indicated he'd had enough of this exchange. Olivia turned to leave, but not before asking about his apparently-delayed retirement. "So…holding off on smelling the flowers?" She asked, trying to sound as friendly as possible.

"Yeah." Ed cast a fleeting glance in the direction of the credenza lining the opposite wall. On it was a framed photograph of the Seine with the Paris cityscape in the background. Olivia owned the same photo, except, in hers, the three of them were smiling for the camera as a fellow tourist snapped away. Feeling the familiar burn of tears, she squeezed her eyes shut.

"I should go," she managed to croak.

"Have a good day, Lieutenant."

"You too."

…..

If there was one of her duties Lieutenant Benson would gladly pawn off on someone else, it was press conferences. She preferred to be working in the field or at the precinct, unraveling complicated cases, and working tirelessly to achieve some sense of justice for victims. Answering questions from hawkish reporters never interested her, and no matter how well she answered the question, she always second-guessed herself later as she replayed the exchanges in her mind.

As Sergeant Tutuola's commanding officer, her presence was required and she stood dutifully at the police commissioner's side as he explained how the evidence absolved Fin of all wrongdoing. Fortunately, Olivia only made a brief statement praising her Sergeant's bravery and publicly thanking him for risking his life to protect civilians who could have been in Eric's line of fire had he escaped the park. The whole time she spoke, she felt Ed's eyes on the back of her neck. As the highest ranking member at IAB, he, too, was present.

After the commissioner took final questions, the NYPD legion shuffled through a back corridor before exiting onto the street and dispersing in different directions without goodbyes, as if they were total strangers. Back to business as usual.

Regretting their last exchange in his office, Ed made it a point to catch up with Olivia before she made it to the car, knowing he didn't have a mountain of available opportunities to coincidentally run into her again.

"Ya did a good job up there, Lieutenant."

The compliment was obviously meant to spark a deeper conversation. Olivia's statement was as boilerplate as they come. Nevertheless, she thanked him.

"I, uh, I know you're busy, but, um," Ed stammered and flashed back to one of their final moments together, in her office, when she was in the middle of locating a kidnapped six-year-old boy.

 _"I can't leave now."_

Little did he know, she was thinking about the same moment and wishing she could have been more patient and more accommodating. In the heat of the investigation, she'd been cold and appalled that Ed would have the gall to suggest coffee, but now the only image that came to mind was the one of him leaving her office with that crestfallen look on his face.

Perhaps out of obligation, Olivia extended the tiniest of olive branches. "Do you want to get a coffee?"

Responding to the hope glistening in her eyes, Ed opted against making things difficult and his lips curled into a hint of a smile as he accepted her invitation.

At the café, their conversation revolved around work, the shooting, the insatiable media…everything but _them_ until Ed grew weary of the awkwardness of dancing around what they both really wanted to talk about. He eased into more personal waters.

"So…it's been almost a year…you doin' okay with that?"

"I am," Olivia replied, her voice dripping with sincerity, "It was the worst time in my career, but, with time…" she trailed off.

"Mighta been the best of us, though," Ed suggested boldly.

Olivia hung her head and stared into the steaming brown liquid. "You think?" she mumbled in response.

"I dunno. Maybe."

"It seemed," she sighed, "so wrong to be that happy…for my whole world to be coming together when someone else's was falling apart." The memories and her still-tense relationship with Chief Dodds caused her to get more emotional than she'd intended.

Ed saw her struggling to compose herself. "You never told me you felt that way," he said softly. It was part accusation, part disheartening realization that she hadn't been completely honest with him.

"You knew I was happy."

"But that was only part of the story, Liv."

"How would…the whole truth…have changed anything?" She challenged.

For the first time, Olivia Benson made him angry. Sure, she and her former partners had annoyed him at various points in the past two decades, but he'd never experienced outright rage at something she'd said or did. Essentially, she'd lied to him. She'd been holding back, deflecting, and playing defense against an inner demon while pretending everything was fine. Her refusal to completely open up to him was devastating, and the only saving grace was that she was now attempting to remedy that betrayal with an explanation.

"I knew…even in Paris…you were holding something back." She barely managed an "I'm sorry" before he continued. "I just have one question, Liv. Well, I have a lot of them, but I need to know the answer to this one."

Olivia bit her lip and raised an eyebrow, silently giving him the green light.

"I trusted you," he began in his raspiest voice, thick with melancholy, "I still trust you. Why…why couldn't you bring yourself to trust me?"

His anger turned to anguish as he spoke, and the resulting despair clouding this face broke her heart. "It's not that I didn't trust you." She traced the rim of her mug, "Because I do. It's just that…I thought I could work through it by myself. I didn't want to bother you with it, but I couldn't shake that I was only loving you halfway, or…part-time…and then when we got on the subject of retirement, I think…I felt like I couldn't give you what you deserve…what you want. You want more."

"Yeah I do," he admitted without reservation, "I'm not gonna deny that. But I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson. I've loved you for a long time now and I haven't stopped. This time last year? I thought we'd start thinking about the future, whatever that was, but the future just got farther and farther away. _You_ got farther away." Ed stopped when he felt himself maybe revealing a little too much of his sadness. His cards were on the table and they had been since the winter. The next move was a complete mystery to him; he wasn't even sure there was room on the board for another play.

"I don't know what to say," Olivia murmured.

"I'm not pressuring you into anything. You don't have to say anything. I…" Ed daringly reached both hands across the table and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't pull away. "I just want to be with ya, Liv. That good thing we had? The three of us? Remember? We can have that again. Indefinitely. We can be in different places with our jobs and be on the same page in this relationship. And, I'm sorry. I think I got desperate there, with the retirement talk, I wanted to let you know that I was ready to give everything to you and to Noah. I'd never ask you to walk away before you're ready."

"I got overwhelmed, Ed." Olivia's phone vibrated against the table, but she made no attempt to free herself from Ed's grasp.

"That was my fault. I'm sorry about that."

Olivia focused intently on his eyes. "Why did you go back to IAB?"

"They never got anyone else to take my spot," Ed replied with a shrug, "And I left for us. When there was no more us…there really was no reason for me to say no when they called."

Her phone rang again.

"I probably have to go."

"Yeah."

"Any chance," Olivia drew little circles on the top of Ed's hands, "You want to come over tonight? Dinner?"

"I'd like that."

"Seven?"

"Sounds good."

"I'll tell Lucy you're coming. In case…in case I'm a little late, do you mind staying with Noah until I get home?"

"Not at all." Ed sat back in his chair, "I'll getcha a to-go cup." Neither one of them had touched their drinks.

"Thank you."

When Ed returned, Olivia was putting on her lightweight trench. Ed helped her into the second sleeve, transferred the coffee into the Styrofoam container, and handed it to her. Emboldened by her apparent reluctance to leave but not wanting to come on too strong, he slowly moved in for an innocent kiss, targeting her cheek.

To his delight, she jerked her head at the last minute so he caught her lips instead. They both grinned shyly in the wake of the clumsy yet tender moment. Ed added a kiss to her forehead as if to undo all that the last forehead kiss represented.

"See ya later."

"Yes," she played a little with his tie and cocked an eyebrow. "See ya later."

….

 **So many of you read and reviewed** _ **Truce**_ **last year. I had so much fun filling in the #Tuckson blanks, and I obviously won't be able to do that after this season unless some miracle happens and the powers come to some sort of epiphany and change their minds (I still hold on to a shred of hope that something like that will happen, btw). Anyway, this was probably the last close-to-canon fic of my "career." Hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here's Chapter Two! Just a reminder that, like Truce, I am trying to stay as close to canon as possible here, but since canon sucks at the moment, I have had to take some baby steps into an AU…but not too far. We're in April, 2017. Enjoy!**_

Uncertainty piled atop uncertainty with each step Ed Tucker took in the direction of the Benson apartment. Buoyed by their cordial cup of coffee and the redirected kiss, Ed cruised through his afternoon, but now nervous energy coursed through his veins, reminding him of how he felt at the onset of their various relationship firsts. As he walked, he gave himself a silent pep talk, the major theme being that every time he'd been beset by this uncharacteristic uneasiness, the end result had been better than expected. The first actual "date." The first kiss. The first time they made love. The first time he stayed overnight at her place. The first time he offered to spend an extended amount of time alone with Noah. Asking her to go to Paris. Going to Paris. Every single instance had been preceded by varying levels of trepidation.

Oddly enough, when she broke things off three months ago, he hadn't been nervous at all. Tucker was a pattern guy. He took comfort in predictability, in making educated observations that inevitably resulted in recognizable conclusions. Olivia was extraordinary, but their relationship encompassed more than their time as a couple. He knew her patterns. He understood her. And he knew what was happening before she did. The little family experiment they'd undertaken almost a year ago began almost perfectly, considering they had to weather some potent storms, but something made Olivia increasingly apprehensive. Ed sensed this and held off on discussing moving in together rather than confront the brewing complications. He tabled ideas for weekend getaways. Though he didn't return the ring, it became more deeply buried among the items in his lower desk drawer at home. Tucker never adopted the persona of a man defeated, but resigning himself to the idea that Olivia Benson was forever out of his life had been a tough reality with which to grapple.

He crossed the avenue and approached her building. It was early, so he would definitely encounter Lucy and Noah first. The prospect of seeing his little buddy excited him, and he calmed down in the elevator. He'd stopped at home to change into shorts, sneakers, and a long-sleeved polo just in case they had time to sneak in a quick playground run. He hoped Olivia wouldn't perceive his casual attire as a presumption that this was more than a simple dinner invitation.

So, when it wasn't Lucy but Olivia who answered the door, Ed swallowed hard, and expected to be asked to come back later or not at all. Something felt off. The promising half hour together earlier that day seemed like it happened years ago. He could almost see and feel her constructing a wall between them, right there in the doorjamb. Brick. With impenetrable mortar. He stepped backwards, fumbled his phone, subconsciously tapped a back pocket to make sure he had his wallet, the last movement completed for no other reason than he had no idea what else to do, she cocked her head curiously, wondering why he wasn't saying anything, and he finally remembered to breathe right after she said, "Hey, come in."

He mumbled his thanks and looked around for Noah.

Reading his mind, Olivia explained that he and Lucy had taken advantage of the pleasant spring temperatures and gone out for a late afternoon walk. "I would've called," she said, "But I figured I'd easily be here before you. Will you…give me a few minutes?" Ed nodded but didn't move. This seemed to amuse Olivia. "Sit," she commanded softly.

 _Sit_.

A chill ran down his spine in response to that tone. A little playful. Slightly domineering. It reminded him of making love to her, and he wished he could head back to the bedroom without her spinning around in disbelief and asking him what in the hell he was doing.

He sat.

Not much in the apartment had changed except for the rotating cycle of Noah's fridge-worthy artwork. Toys were strewn around as usual. The pillows on the end of the couch where Ed used to regularly sit were perfectly positioned; on Olivia's side, they were contorted as if they still supported her body. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, replaced it, retrieved it again, and paged absent-mindedly through his screens, back-and-forth, staring blankly at app icons, most of which he never used.

"Want a drink?" Olivia reappeared, now in jeans and an oversized t-shirt. She'd clipped her hair back in a messy updo and had removed all jewelry. Her feet were bare.

Thankful she'd matched his casual attire, he gave her a little smile. "Sure."

"Wine, beer, or bourbon?"

"Whatever you're having."

Olivia carried two small tumblers to the sofa, handed one to Ed, and took her usual spot. "Is it okay if we order in?"

"Of course." He took a sip, appreciating that it had been prepared neat, but then admonishing himself for thinking Olivia would have forgotten how he took his bourbon. "Unless you want me to cook?"

The comment broke the ice, and they both laughed. Most of the time, cooking together had been an adventure that usually produced something edible but not without an inordinate number of dirty pots and pans, spills, and hushed curses.

"Not that I don't trust you," Olivia said, "But you'd also have to go shopping."

Ed barely heard the second half of the sentence.

 _Trust_.

Olivia took a drink, trying to hide her suddenly non-existent smile and her own realization that she'd unintentionally opened a wound with one word. Trust. That was the core of who Ed Tucker was and why he loved Olivia and Noah so much. He trusted her. He trusted them. He trusted the relationship they had been in the process of building.

She knew because he'd told her so. In Paris. On one of the many nights they'd spent cuddled together on their suite's terrace after Noah was asleep. The conversations they had there could have happened anywhere, but navigating an unfamiliar city and experiencing its breathtaking sights for the first time _as a couple_ allowed them to step outside of any remaining constraints and open up to one another. Olivia learned more about Ed's first marriage, his childhood, and the early part of his career. He held her tightly as she took him to the darker places of her past—Serena, Sealview, details about William Lewis she'd previously revealed only to Dr. Lindstrom. At times, it was torturous for both of them, but, each morning, they woke up with a renewed sense of strength in themselves and in each other.

"I've been kinda overdoing it on the Chinese lately," Ed admitted sheepishly. "Suggestions?"

"Oh. Well, I was thinking…does that fusion place deliver?"

"If it doesn't, I'll go pick it up."

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

He saw the moisture building in her eyes and moved closer, to the center of the sofa, not quite sure if he should touch her just yet. "Liv. There's nothing you need to be sorry for. We…we kinda let things get…away from us."

Olivia rubbed her face with both hands. "It's…I was…God, this winter, those cases, everything happening all at once. Sometimes I wasn't sure what day it was. The weeks blended together, and…those _cases_ earlier this year…"

Purely to torture himself, Ed followed SVU's cases more closely than he did other news stories. "You had some tricky ones." He remarked.

Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed, "Not necessarily tricky, they were…it was…more like I was forced to work with a terribly written script."

"Getting any better?" Ed asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Not really." Like Ed, Olivia had been jittery about this… _date_? Maybe it was the alcohol, but the apprehension gradually diminished as they spoke and she sunk more deeply into the couch cushions. "This job…isn't something that can ever be _better_. We have success stories, but if you look at it as wins and losses, as…getting better…that's when we start taking our eyes off the victims and get into the politics of it all." She noticed a hint of a smirk forming on his face. "What?"

"Nothin."

"Tell me."

"Really, it's nothing, just, I didn't realize how much I missed hearing you talk."

Buying time, Olivia pressed her eyes closed for a few seconds. She hadn't realized how much she missed talking to him. _Deflect or be honest? Deflect or be honest?_

 _Deflect._

"You mean hearing me complain?"

Disappointed she didn't take his bait, he reluctantly followed her lead, "You're not complaining. These jobs…well, talking about our days can sound a lot like complaining, but it's just the reality of the whole thing."

"So…IAB again," she said, abruptly changing subjects, "How's that going?"

"It's alright," he replied. "That other gig…it was, I guess, a more noble, admirable path, but there's not much intensity, too many lawyers, and, honestly? Not that much for me to do. When they offered it to me, it seemed like a good idea, but in reality, it was almost like a watered-down IAB."

"You never told me you weren't happy there."

This time, Ed briefly closed his eyes. Earlier that day he'd been so upset with Olivia for keeping certain feelings from him and he had unintentionally done the same thing. "No. No, I didn't."

 _Guilty_.

"Why not?"

Deep breath. He had no idea how she would react to the truth.

"Because I thought it was the best decision for us. And, I guess, I thought it would kinda impress ya."

She smiled coyly at the second revelation, but the first one needed further explanation. "For us?"

Ed held up his empty glass. "Mind if I get another one?"

"Not at all."

He took just enough time to avoid arousing suspicion, but he needed the break. With Noah's absence, the early part of the evening took them down the road of full disclosure, a journey for which Ed had not been prepared. He hastily rehearsed some lines in his head and tried to extend the pause even further by asking Olivia if she needed a refill.

She did not.

Ed returned to his same spot and wondered if he was about to make his second major relationship mistake of 2017, the first being walking out of this very apartment without a fight four months ago. "Where were we?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

Olivia couldn't hide her own amusement. " _For us_."

"Oh yeah." He shot her a smirk. She smiled back. Confidence boosted, he continued, "When they suggested CIU, I got to thinkin…that maybe that was better. It's a nine-to-five thing most of the time. Hostage negotiation wouldn't be. IAB was too, but that was no longer an option."

"A nine-to-five thing." Olivia prodded him along. She suspected what he was getting at, but she wanted to make sure he was the one to say it.

"Yeah. Lucy…she's not gonna be available forever, and, that way, I could be there for Noah."

In a flash, Olivia propelled herself in his direction. It happened so quickly he didn't have time to put his glass on the coffee table and neither did she. They exchanged a few careful, chaste pecks, both resting their glasses on their knees.

"I know he's always going to be your priority," Ed said softly, leaning over to deposit his drink on a coaster. He did the same with hers so he could hold her hands. "And he should be. But I was hopin, maybe, _your priority_ could become _our priority_."

"I knew that was what you wanted," her eyes again filled with tears, "And I knew you meant everything you said….everything about the three of us. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to believe it, and I don't know why, and when things got hard, when we were struggling to find time for each other, well, when I was struggling to find time for you…not believing it was easier, because that's what I've always been used to."

Ed played with the strands of hair that had escaped the clip. Gazing into her eyes, an expression of hopeful compassion formed on his face. "Walking out of here was one of the most difficult things I've ever done." Olivia's face fell, and he dipped his head, refusing to let her divert her eyes, " _Hey_."

She lifted her head, tilting it back slightly, and nearly winced at how determined he looked in that moment. What he said next she would remember forever.

"I'm not doing that again."

…

 **#Tuckson**

 **#EndGamePrettyPlease**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been a while, so here's where I left you in February (also, remember I've tossed Tucker back to IAB).**

 _"I know he's always going to be your priority," Ed said softly, leaning over to deposit his drink on a coaster. He did the same with hers so he could hold her hands. "And he should be. But I was hopin, maybe, your priority could become our priority."_

 _"I knew that was what you wanted," her eyes again filled with tears, "And I knew you meant everything you said….everything about the three of us. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to believe it, and I don't know why, and when things got hard, when we were struggling to find time for each other, well, when I was struggling to find time for you…not believing it was easier, because that's what I've always been used to."_

 _Ed played with the strands of hair that had escaped the clip. Gazing into her eyes, an expression of hopeful compassion formed on his face. "Walking out of here was one of the most difficult things I've ever done." Olivia's face fell, and he dipped his head, refusing to let her divert her eyes, "Hey."_

 _She lifted her head, tilting it back slightly, and nearly winced at how determined he looked in that moment. What he said next she would remember forever._

 _"I'm not doing that again."_

Take out containers and near-empty wine glasses littered the coffee table, and Olivia showed no interest in clearing the mess. Shortly after Ed reaffirmed his commitment to her and to her son, Noah and Lucy returned, and the heavy conversation had to be postponed. True to her nature, Lucy took Ed's presence in stride, had a few words with Olivia, and promptly left the three of them alone. Olivia fed Noah a quick dinner, and the three of them spent the evening playing with toys—they fell back into the routine they'd enjoyed a year ago, and there were spurts when both Olivia and Ed forgot they were technically still broken up. When it was time for Noah to brush his teeth, he took Tucker's hand, silently requesting he go along.

"Go ahead," Olivia said quietly, patting Ed's lower back. "I'll get his pajamas."

Their dinner arrived a little later and they ate mostly in contemplative silence, speaking only to rave about the food. At one point Ed offered Olivia a bite of his thinly sliced wagyu beef from the carton, not from his fork, acknowledging he understood there were lingering lines drawn between them.

"Still so good," she remarked.

"Been back to that place at all?"

"No."

"Maybe, uh," He was getting nervous now, afraid of saying the wrong thing. "Maybe we can try another new place sometime?"

"I'd like that." Olivia avoided eye contact and her eyes drifted toward the kitchen, "Do you…do you want coffee? Tea? Well, I know you don't want tea," she said with a knowing grin, "Anything?"

"I'm good, Liv."

"Okay." She shifted and fidgeted and finally met his pale blue eyes. As she and Tucker embarked on their relationship, as they got to know one another better, she came to realize the person she was falling in love with had never really _changed;_ she had merely come to understand and see his personality differently, and she liked him through that lens. His unforgiving nature, with her and Noah, manifested as a fierce devotion to protect them. His cynical glares actually masked a dry, witty, biting sense of humor. His presence—that foreboding, larger-than-life, intimidating aura—became irresistible sex appeal. But those eyes were a different story…when they were fixated on her, raw affection supplanted the erstwhile iciness.

"I guess…" she said slowly, "I guess I'm not sure where to go from here."

"Do you want me to get outta here? Give you some time?"

"No," she replied firmly, "I don't want you to go. But I also…I also don't know if we can pick up where we left off."

"Well," he said with a smirk, "I definitely don't want to pick up _exactly_ where we left off."

This made her laugh, it relaxed her, and she moved closer to him. "I…I told you I felt overwhelmed, like I couldn't be everything to everyone…"

"Yeah."

"But the truth is, it's been worse without you."

Ed was certain she was going to retract and attempt to stifle tears for the next few minutes.

The tears came. The retraction did not. She grabbed for his hands, needing that extra support, and continued, "It's been…excruciatingly difficult…every case, every job, they've developed…so _badly._ And after all is said and done, I can distract myself, balance myself with Noah, but, sometimes, well, often…I just feel so alone."

Ed appreciated the unfettered honesty, but her anguish tugged at his heart and he instinctively wrapped her in a tight, secure embrace.

But she had more to say.

"I never felt that way with you." she whispered in his ear.

Her lips grazed his lobe and waves of desire swirled down his back. His breath caught in his throat, so his words sounded less confident than he intended. "I'm here now, Liv."

Tears streamed down her cheeks, necessitating her pulling away and reaching for a tissue. "And, to make matters worse, I knew, immediately, I'd made the wrong decision, and I couldn't forget it."

He smoothed her hair with both hands and held her face. " _Olivia_." The rest of what he meant to say he expressed through his kiss. Still holding her head, he met her lips softly, chastely, and leaned back to gauge her reaction. The corners of her mouth upturned ever so slightly, and though her cheeks were tear-stained, her cocked eyebrow and sparkling eyes told him she wanted more.

It felt like they'd never broken up, like he'd never left; for the rest of the night she forgot the ugly, earlier part of this year and let Ed transport her father back but not all that long ago, when she felt completely happy, content, and loved.

Afterward, as they lay whispering to one another, arms and legs still entangled, he offered to leave, he would have to leave early anyway since he didn't have work clothes, but Olivia refused the offer and possessively draped an arm across his chest.

"Stay as long as you can. But…tomorrow," she whispered in a throaty, heavy voice, "Bring a suit."

…..

The next morning Olivia breezed into the office with the newly minted Sergeant Tutuola who didn't seem all that impressed with his accomplishment and downplayed the implications of his pending promotion. She didn't have time to press the issue because as soon as she arrived in the squad room, Congressman Luke Bolton was waiting for her with his odd request to investigate a trafficking ring that didn't actually exist. Lieutenant Benson and the squad spent the next two days embroiled in the ugly underworld of fake news and the dark 'net; twice they thought they'd closed the case, but each time, TARU uncovered something else incriminating which eventually led them back to Duca and to actual criminals only to be stymied by his refusal to give up his hard drive. The Motions Calendar was experiencing a backlog, so while SVU and the DA's office awaited their hearing, techs employed facial recognition and NEMEC tools to try and identify the girls, but, so far, had no luck.

During one of their nights together, Tucker listened as Olivia vented about the bewildering case. "It's…beyond frustrating," she said, "There's this whole additional underworld of hackers and criminals using actual victims to make innocent people look guilty…so they become victims, too, and take away resources we could be using to go after the actual sex traffickers," she rambled, not knowing or even caring if she was making any sense. Ed was sitting on the opposite side of the countertop wearing a patient expression. "And this Duca guy…pretending to care about the truth? And won't give up information that will lead us to the _real_ truth? The _real_ criminals? What the… _fuck_ ," she muttered, exasperated, and tilted her head to the side, slightly annoyed, when she noticed Ed smirking at her. "What?"

"You don't use that word very often."

She relaxed a bit and offered a hint of a smile, "I know."

"I kinda like it." He pulled his phone from his pocket, "Lemme check out this site."

"You're not on my Wifi are you?" Olivia couldn't believe how paranoid she'd become.

"No." Ed spent a few minutes swiping through articles, "This is like the National Enquirer," he remarked, "How in the hell can anyone believe this stuff?"

"Because that's what our world has come to," Olivia cynically replied, "Click bait. Shock value. Elections slanted toward which party has the best hackers. Anything but cold hard facts."

Ed stood up and made his way around into the kitchen and held her by the shoulders. "That's not what this world's comin' to, Liv. At least, not all of it. It can't…not with mothers like you in it. Not with _people_ like you in it."

She ducked her eyes and smiled bashfully. "Thanks."

He let his arms fall to her waist, "Now…let's forget the untruthers—"

"Endless Truthers."

"Whatever…let's forget them for a little while, huh?"

"Whadja have in mind?"

Ed leaned in and kissed her. "Maybe something like this?"

Olivia kept her eyes closed and her lips pursed. "That all?"

"Of course not," he trailed kisses down her neck and gingerly moved her collar aside to get at her collarbone. "Patience, Lieutenant."

Patience.

She threw her head back and let herself fully experience and appreciate the feel of Ed's lips against her skin. After he'd spent the night a few days ago, she wondered if she'd jumped back into the relationship too quickly, but all signs told her she had not. They seamlessly resumed their routines, a significant amount of Ed's clothing reappeared in her bedroom, he picked up Noah from day care when needed, and only when Olivia's shift stretched into the late evening did they miss a dinner together. Prior to their rocky patch, Olivia had been on the verge of suggesting they officially move in together. She had been sure Noah was beginning to see Ed as someone more than a part-time playmate or the guy who regularly showed up with take-out food.

She began thinking in terms of family.

She had never been happier.

So she excused herself for so quickly inviting Ed Tucker back into her bed and her son's life. What others may have seen as reckless, to her was an act of righting the ship and setting the three of them back on the proper course.

" _Ed_ ," she gasped.

He thought it was in response to his increasingly aggressive movements against her body, so he merely murmured and continued slowly unbuttoning her blouse, pausing to sufficiently pay attention to each newly uncovered piece of skin.

"Ed," she said again, this time with a hand on either side of his head.

He straightened up and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before tilting his head back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied, cocking her eyebrow. "I…I love you."

This wasn't the first I love you. It wasn't the second or the third or even the tenth. A year ago, it was something they had just added to their typical repartee and they used the phrase often but cautiously, testing how it felt and how the other person responded.

Ed smoothed her hair and gazed into her eyes intently, more intently than Olivia remembered ever seeing before. He picked up on her veiled meaning. Yes, she loved him. But this particular _I love you_ was also part apology and part promise. It was the most commitment-rich thing she'd ever said to him, and for the first time, Ed Tucker felt secure, felt like she, too, was—finally-completely and totally in this.

…

Benson's and Rollins' hearts collectively hit the floor.

"Did you notice anyone following you?"

Olivia appreciated Carisi's question and probably would have asked it herself if the shoe was on the other foot, but she had trouble keeping her cool. No, she didn't notice anyone following her. Why would she? _Did_ she now have to have eyes in the back of her head at all times? And why were these people targeting her and Rollins anyway?

"Duca's out for blood," Rollins muttered. She and Benson were now in the Lieutenant's office making hasty arrangements to ensure their children's safety. Day care had been instructed not to allow anyone but Olivia to pick up Noah. Rollins called Kim and told her to remain behind locked doors until she arrived.

"Lucy's meeting us in an hour," Olivia said, staring at her phone, "She'll take the kids to New Jersey for…well…for the time being. So, have the squad car take you home, get her bags packed, and I'll meet you back here."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Rollins said, her voice full of sincere gratitude.

"Thank Lucy," Olivia replied.

"I need to find someone like her."

"I got incredibly lucky…" Olivia's phone was ringing again. Ed's name flashed on the screen. "Can you give me a minute?" She asked Rollins.

"Sure."

"Hey…Ed." She quickly blurted out the details—the photographs on the website, the plan for Lucy to take the kids out of town until it was deemed safe for them to return. Her hopes to travel there tonight and stay until Noah fell asleep.

The developments came as a complete shock and he stammered, "I, uh, damn, Liv…they have someone tailing you? A detail going with them to Jersey?"

"Duca apparently has independent contractors all over the city…waiting for the opportunity to strike. This is payback for the subpoena; he all but told Rollins and I that outside the courtroom today."

"Anything you need me to do?"

"Not at the moment…" Olivia bit her lip, "I…you understand why I sent him with Lucy, right?"

Deep down Ed did feel a little slighted that Olivia hadn't called him first, but he understood the need to get Noah as far away as possible as quickly as possible, and who knew whether or not Duca had photographs and potential fake news on Tucker and IAB. "Yeah, yeah…I get it."

He wasn't convincing, but Olivia didn't have time to call him on it. They would talk later. "Hey, listen, I have to get him from day care, go home, and be back here to meet Lucy. I'll call you later? Keep me company on the road?"

"Sure." He almost asked if she wanted him to ride along, but he held back. "Keep me posted."

"I will."

….

There was no phone call from Olivia to Ed on the way to New Jersey. After Lucy took off with the kids, the squad quickly went about its business—arresting Duca, interrogating yet another hacker, and setting up a sting to entrap Ronald Fleming. By the time Marian identified the neighborhood where she'd been held prisoner, they had all been awake for nearly twenty-four hours. The lack of sleep was worth it. Instead of being away from home for a week or more, Noah was back in his mother's arms the very next day. She was about to call Tucker and have him meet them for a late lunch when her phone rang and she received the news that Congressman Bolton had been shot and killed at the Coral Dragon.

Every member of the squad was crestfallen. The extent of Duca's damage had now cost someone his life.

"Want me to take Noah?" Rollins asked.

Olivia smiled graciously but shook her head, "No, we're good." She led the little boy out of the squad room and to the elevator. On the way down she called Ed, realizing she'd assumed he would be available.

"We have a, uh, situation," Olivia said, choosing her words carefully in front of her son, "Any chance you can watch Noah for an hour or two?"

"I can do that," Ed replied, "You wanna drop him here?"

Olivia couldn't help but chuckle a little. Neither he nor she had brought up how and when to tell One PP about their reunion, but she didn't think Ed running a day care service from his office at Internal Affairs was a wise course of action.

"I…don't know if that's a good idea. I can call Lucy back if you're too busy."

"No, no," Ed quickly clarified, "Thought it might be more on your way. Are you at the precinct? I'll come get him. Leaving now."

While they waited, Olivia was temporarily distracted by Noah's tales of the doggie he played with and how Lucy's mother gave him and Jesse cookies and milk. Noah held up his fingers, quantifying the number of chocolate chip sweets he'd received.

"One! Two! Free! FOUR!"

She saw Tucker's car approaching. "Okay, sweet boy, you're going to go with Ed for a little while, alright? I'll be home soon."

Olivia held Noah while Ed transferred the car seat to his sedan. After it was secure he reached for Noah and Olivia's heart filled with joy as she saw him wrap his arms around Ed's neck. "Hi Ed!"

The two adults exchanged amused glances. In his own version of the relationship reboot, Noah tossed aside the use of Ed's surname.

"Hi Noah! Ready to head home?"

Realizing he had a new audience, Noah again started chattering about the doggie. Ed buckled him in, closed the door, and joked, "Ya never know. Might be a puppy waitin' for ya when you get back."

They were outside of the precinct and in full view of anyone on the sidewalk, but Olivia pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek. "I concede there may be some junk food," she said with a grin, "But no dogs."

….

She seemed unusually clingy on this particular night which was fine with Ed, but he wished, in addition to resting her head against his chest as they watched Noah play, she would also talk to him.

"Need anything?" He asked, trying to prompt her into revealing what was on her mind. She'd been quiet the entire evening. Obviously the Congressman's murder was a tremendous blow, but she'd already lamented that in hushed tones and censored language over dinner.

"I think I need another vacation."

"We can do that. Wherever you want."

"Someplace warm," she said, sounding slightly more chipper, "It's been a gloomy winter. And spring…seems to be reluctant to show up."

"It'll come. But…you're right. Ever been to Hawaii?"

"No."

"Me neither."

" _Hawaii_ ," she murmured. "Yeah…that's perfect…and it _is_ our time of year for taking trips."

Ed winced. The anniversary of Dodds' death had come and gone without any formal memorial. She treated the squad to drinks and they toasted their fallen Sergeant. Later, she met Ed at one of his favorite dives and she drank more, worked herself into an abyss of self-blame, and then later allowed Ed to drag her back to the reality that the only person to blame for Mike's death was Gary Munson. End of story.

Chief Dodds had actually taken his own vacation and traveled to visit his son Matt. Even though Ed and the Chief were not exactly friends, Ed was pleased when Olivia told him about the apology. She truly felt like she and her boss turned a corner and could move on, giving her a little more peace and some closure.

"This time," he said, "We're celebrating."

"That'll be different," she quipped.

"A change for the better."

"Yeah."

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"What else is botherin' ya?"

She almost replied "nothing," but then remembered it was Ed Tucker who was asking the question. "I keep thinking about Duca."

"Why?"

Her eyes fell to the couch cushions, "You would _not_ have been impressed with me. In interrogation or later, when I threatened him."

"You threatened him?"

"Yeah," she huffed, "After I almost ripped his head off at the precinct."

"Justified," Ed easily concluded, "He threatened your son."

Olivia didn't agree. "I stooped to his level," she admitted ruefully. "And that's not me. I get emotional, I can't help it, but my job is to operate using facts and reason…I became…I don't know what I became…but it's _not me_."

"This was a weird case," he replied. "Nothin' else to call it. But, Liv…you'll get yourself back…you're too skilled, too experienced, too _good…_ this was just a lapse, a blip, a—"

"Blip?" For some reason, the way he pronounced the word made her grin.

"Yes," he let his face relax into an innocent expression. "A blip."

"A blip." She repeated, putting emphasis on the final sound.

He said it once again as he moved in for a kiss. "Blip." He kissed her again and again, all over her face, peppering in more "blips" until she was convulsing with laughter.

"Okay, okay," she said, "I give."

"Good," he said with finality. "Hey, Noah, bring me the iPad, buddy. We're gonna take another plane ride real soon."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	4. Chapter 4

**Spring Flowers Four**

 **This canon fic has taken time to develop thanks to hiatus and to eidteen awfulness. Thank you for your patience. Here's the final chapter.**

 **Where I left you (after** _ **Real Fake News**_ **):**

 _She seemed unusually clingy on this particular night which was fine with Ed, but he wished, in addition to resting her head against his chest as they watched Noah play, she would also talk to him._

 _"Need anything?" He asked, trying to prompt her into revealing what was on her mind. She'd been quiet the entire evening. Obviously the Congressman's murder was a tremendous blow, but she'd already lamented that in hushed tones and censored language over dinner._

 _"I think I need another vacation."_

 _"We can do that. Wherever you want."_

 _"Someplace warm," she said, sounding slightly more chipper, "It's been a gloomy winter. And spring…seems to be reluctant to show up."_

 _"It'll come. But…you're right. Ever been to Hawaii?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Me neither."_

 _"Hawaii," she murmured. "Yeah…that's perfect…and it is our time of year for taking trips."_

 _Ed winced. The anniversary of Dodds' death had come and gone without any formal memorial. She treated the squad to drinks and they toasted their fallen Sergeant. Later, she met Ed at one of his favorite dives and she drank more, worked herself into an abyss of self-blame, and then later allowed Ed to drag her back to the reality that the only person to blame for Mike's death was Gary Munson. End of story._

 _Chief Dodds had actually taken his own vacation and traveled to visit his son Matt. Even though Ed and the Chief were not exactly friends, Ed was pleased when Olivia told him about the apology. She truly felt like she and her boss turned a corner and could move on, giving her a little more peace and some closure._

" _This time," he said, "We're celebrating."_

" _That'll be different," she quipped._

" _A change for the better."_

" _Yeah."_

" _Liv?"_

" _Hmmm?"_

" _What else is botherin' ya?"_

 _She almost replied "nothing," but then remembered it was Ed Tucker who was asking the question. "I keep thinking about Duca."_

" _Why?"_

 _Her eyes fell to the couch cushions, "You would not have been impressed with me. In interrogation or later, when I threatened him."_

" _You threatened him?"_

" _Yeah," she huffed, "After I almost ripped his head off at the precinct."_

" _Justified," Ed easily concluded, "He threatened your son."_

 _Olivia didn't agree. "I stooped to his level," she admitted ruefully. "And that's not me. I get emotional, I can't help it, but my job is to operate using facts and reason…I became…I don't know what I became…but it's not me."_

" _This was a weird case," he replied. "Nothin' else to call it. But, Liv…you'll get yourself back…you're too skilled, too experienced, too good…this was just a lapse, a blip, a—"_

" _Blip?" For some reason, the way he pronounced the word made her grin._

" _Yes," he let his face relax into an innocent expression. "A blip."_

" _A blip." She repeated, putting emphasis on the final sound._

 _He said it once again as he moved in for a kiss. "Blip." He kissed her again and again, all over her face, peppering in more "blips" until she was convulsing with laughter._

" _Okay, okay," she said, "I give."_

" _Good," he said with finality. "Hey, Noah, bring me the iPad, buddy. We're gonna take another plane ride real soon."_

…

Cold rain pelted Manhattan commuters late Thursday afternoon, and Ed Tucker rushed across the street toward the bar's entrance with his head down and hands shoved into his pockets. Tiny droplets clung to his trench coat and his hair was damp. Olivia was already perched on one of the dive's faux-leather swivel chairs, and, as usual, he paused for a split second, feeling boastful she was waiting for him.

Occupied with her phone, the Lieutenant didn't immediately notice his presence, but when she did she broke into a relieved grin and intoned a throaty, "Hi there."

"Hi," he kissed her cheek and hung his wet coat on an adjacent hook. "Everything okay?"

Olivia tapped the phone's screen a couple more times and slid it aside, face down. "Sorry. Yes. Everything's…better. Ann's going to testify. Cooperate."

"Good." Ed and Olivia had been communicating mostly through text messages and phone calls lately as she and the squad gathered evidence in two muddled and emotionally-charged cases. "Any progress in the Samra case?"

"Barba's prepping for the grand jury."

"Glad you got Ramirez to cooperate."

Olivia pressed her eyes closed and rubbed her temples. "About that…"

Ed took her arm, "What happened?"

"I'm…I'm sorry I haven't been… _available_ …much lately."

Disappointed, Ed replied, "Liv, we're past that, alright? What's goin' on?"

"Do you remember when, um, when you told me IAB sometimes required you being the worst version of yourself?" Olivia asked, her eyes wide and downcast.

"Yeah."

"My job…" Olivia continued slowly, "Usually, almost always, requires me to be the _best_ version, and what I did to Ramirez's wife was…well…it doesn't fit into _any_ category of myself."

"Whaddya mean, Liv?"

She described the encounter with Soledad Ramirez and how she coerced the mother into cooperating by nearly having her deported and, consequently, sending her two children into the foster care system.

Ed listened intently, compassion etched in his features, while Olivia browbeat herself for what she'd done. If anyone could empathize with her in this moment, it was him. However, employing subterfuge and loaded threats to achieve a larger goal rarely plagued him with suffocating guilt. In Olivia's case, her remorse continued to eat away at her conscience.

"Hey," he held both her hand, met her eyes, and gave her a tiny, encouraging smile, "Sometimes the ends justify the means, ya know. No matter how ugly the means are."

Olivia did not look at all convinced.

"Didja really even call the agent?"

"Does it matter? She _thought_ I was really calling the agent."

"Liv, cops do that kinda stuff all the time," he reasoned, "We have to do some underhanded things to get the job done. Even _you_ ," he said pointedly, but with an affectionate smirk, "And the fact that you're beating yourself up about it just further proves how different you really are. Most of us wouldn't think twice about it."

"Would you?" She asked softly.

"Would I what?"

"Think twice about it?"

Ed took a contemplative breath. "Until fairly recently, probably not."

Olivia appreciated his honesty and hint of self-deprecation. She wasn't sure she could ever forgive herself for threatening Soledad, but Ed was helping her see her decision from a more pragmatic perspective.

"Thank you," she managed a weak smile.

"Anytime."

She tore fringe tassels into her cocktail napkin, and averted her eyes though she could still feel his intense gaze. "Do you…do you want to go with me to get Noah? Have dinner?" They hadn't seen each other for a few days, and each time that happened, reuniting seemed awkward and apologetic. She still couldn't shake feeling guilty about the imbalance between her job and her personal life.

"Of course I do. Let's finish these and stop at my place first. That okay?"

Olivia cocked her eyebrow and grinned flirtatiously, "Very okay…stopping at your place first…"

"To just, pick up some things," he added jovially, elated at the sudden happier mood. He downed the rest of his bourbon and tossed a few bills on the bar. "Ready?"

She nodded.

"Following you, Captain."

…

On the morning of the final grand jury proceedings, sunlight streamed in fine, precise lines through the bedroom window, casting striped patterns across the duvet. From his place next to Olivia, it looked like another crisp yet clear spring morning, but dark clouds in the distance suggested the favorable weather wouldn't last long. Ed hoped any rain would come and go quickly; he promised Noah a trip to the Central Park Zoo later in the afternoon.

Olivia was on her side facing him, her lips slightly parted, and apparently still sound asleep. The first weeks of May had been turbulent—Reverend Gary Langham's dogma and his congregation's sycophantic devotion certainly was enough to draw the Lieutenant's ire, but ICE deporting Yusef Massad rendered her absolutely apoplectic. Ed had seen Olivia in various stages of rage, self-doubt, and self-loathing, so Ed hoped to let the tranquil morning last for as long as possible. He wanted to kiss her. Rub her back. Hold her close until either Noah woke up or it was absolutely necessary for her to get ready. But he restrained himself, stared at the ceiling, and thought about the weekend.

Eventually, he felt Olivia inch closer to him and her fingers start to gently knead his chest. "Morning," she mumbled almost inaudibly.

"Morning."

"What time is it?"

"Just after six."

Olivia opened her eyes. "And no Noah yet?"

"Haven't heard him," Ed wrapped both arms around her. "What time's the grand jury?"

"Nine."

"Want coffee? Breakfast? I'll cook."

Olivia let out a deep sigh and held his forearm. "Let's stay like this for a little longer."

"Sure," he kissed her head through the tangled mass of brown hair.

"So," Olivia said brightly, clearly preferring to talk about non-police subjects for the time being, "Zoo today."

"Yeah. I'll pick up him around noon. That okay?"

"Yep. I'll tell day care not to feed him lunch."

He kissed her again, "Thanks, Liv. I'm looking forward to it."

"So is Noah. And…so am I," she added shakily.

He felt her nerves begin to surface, so he tightened his hold on her, and tried to sound as casual as possible. "Supposed to be warm and sunny this weekend. Maybe we can take a drive, get outta the city for the day…walk on the beach?"

"That would be nice," Olivia's voice was clouded with doubt, "Even nicer if we get an indictment."

"Ramirez gonna be forthcoming about his deal? His involvement?" Ed asked cautiously, knowing Olivia's wounds were still raw.

"He is."

"Should get one then."

Olivia faced him once again. All of a sudden she was cheerful and there was a hint of playfulness in her brown eyes. "What are we doing for dinner tonight?"

" _Wellll_ ," Ed droned, smirking, "The three of us can go out somewhere," he played with her hair, "Maybe someplace loud and crazy. Or…we can get the little guy all set up and eat later. Whatever you want."

"Let's save the loud and crazy for the weekend," Olivia said, leaning up to kiss him, "Something a little more...quiet tonight?"

"Sure."

Olivia craned her head back to check the time. "I better get moving."

She sat up, but Ed pulled her back down for a kiss. "I'm happy, Liv," he intoned.

Her eyes glistened. She remembered the day, almost a year ago, at the park when she admitted being happy but qualifying it with _I'm scared it won't last_. Then, six months later, that happiness disappeared when she let Ed walk out the door—she realized she'd talked herself into the breakup, her insecurities, the nagging doubt that she needed or deserved someone like Tucker— _I'm scared it won't last_ became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ed pressed his forehead against hers and stared hopefully into her eyes.

"I'm happy, too, Ed," her tone was as sincere as it had ever been. "Things…finally seem right again."

"From now on…how 'bout we agree they always will be?"

Her lips curled upward as she kissed him. "Deal."

…

Mere hours after Olivia kissed Ed and Noah goodbye, Hector Ramirez was dead and the potential for justice for the Samra family was once again in jeopardy. Desperate, Maya Samra showed up at the precinct and now claimed she saw the defendants' faces—an assertion Benson doubted but, despite her apprehension, Barba was adding Maya to the witness list. It was late when Olivia finally left Barba's office and she made her way home in a fit of nervous energy partially due to the mistake she believed Barba was making and also because the past two days' developments torpedoed her plans with Ed and Noah.

Sure enough, Ed was sacked out on the couch, snoring lightly, his body bathed in dim lamplight. She crept into the bedroom and changed clothes. In a corner of the room sat Ed's familiar duffle bag the contents of which he must have replenished at some point during the past two days. Two fresh suits in dry cleaning plastic were hanging on the closet door. Instead of being put off by his presumptuousness, she was comforted by him boldly assuming she would want him there throughout the weekend and early next week. Without saying the words, he was helping her (again) get used to the idea of their union's permanence.

She returned to the living room and slowly wedged herself between Ed and the back cushions, resting her head against his chest.

"You okay?" He asked in a raspy voice.

"No." In addition to her disagreement with Barba and the inevitable disaster Maya's false testimony would cause, if Olivia hadn't forced Soledad to flip on her husband, Hector would still be alive.

Ed had already prepared himself for a distraught Olivia. He rubbed her back reassuringly. "You want to talk about it?"

"Later," Olivia replied in barely a whisper. "I'm…exhausted."

"Okay," he planted a kiss on the top of her head, "There's a plate for you in the fridge. Hungry at all?"

"A little."

"Lemme know when you want to eat and I'll heat it up for ya."

Olivia closed her eyes, grateful Ed was going to let her stay right where she was for as long as she wanted. She also appreciated his patience and that he didn't force her to get everything off her chest right away.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "Are we…do you still want to head to the beach? So the weekend's not completely ruined?"

"It's not ruined at all," he said, "But yeah, let's go, head out mid-morning?"

Olivia nodded. "Let's do that. I need my mind off this trial for at least one day. We're about to step on a land mine."

Ed smiled a little; her reticence was predictably short-lived. Olivia sat up and began ranting about Carleen, Maya, Barba, the President…some details she probably should not have revealed to Ed before they came out at trial but she didn't think twice about it.

She wholeheartedly trusted him.

After she finished her dinner complete with wine and chocolate mousse and laid back against his chest, she did so amidst a refreshing sense of peace.

….

It was chilly on the shore, but Ed, Olivia, and Noah were prepared, and they meandered along the shore in jeans and sweatshirts, savoring the ocean breeze and the sound of waves crashing. Noah dropped shells into a bucket along the way and flirted with the water—he would creep close to the shoreline and run back to Olivia and Ed right before the encroaching waves hit his feet. While he played his little game, Ed took the opportunity to hold Olivia's hand, loosely interlacing their fingers. Seeking approval, he glanced at her. Her smile was encouraging and affectionate, and a chill ran up and down his spine when she squeezed his hand, firming up their grip on one another.

They stopped for a late lunch at a beachside café before heading back into the city. Noah entertained them with his surprisingly insatiable appetite for shrimp, and Ed and Olivia sipped beers from frosted mugs while staring out into the ocean.

"This was a great idea," she said, breaking their pleasant silence.

"Yeah…kinda forget we're this close to a sliver of paradise."

"We definitely should come back this summer," she suggested, "Maybe rent a place for a weekend?"

"Absolutely," he replied, "But don't forget…about Hawaii."

Olivia blinked. She _had_ forgotten. "Oh, wow, yeah, let's book that before it's too late."

"It's never gonna be too late," he said softly, reaching out for her hand. "I promise it's never gonna be too late."

She blinked again, this time to fight back tears.

"Liv, uh," he stammered a bit but nevertheless was confident about what he was about to propose, "Do you, think, uh, we should maybe tell One PP we're back together? Especially since I'm back at IAB?"

In the chaos of the past few weeks, Olivia had forgotten to tell Ed she'd already implicity disclosed their reunion. Wincing, she replied, "We should…but…Chief Dodds…I think he already knows."

"He does?" Ed assumed they'd been spotted somewhere and the Chief had subsequently confronted Olivia.

"We've had some good talks here and there," she said, "No formal sit-downs, but…there was a point, after he apologized, when he mentioned again how he wished he had the perspective of his ex-wife…and then he admitted going through all of this alone had been the worst part."

Ed listened intently to Olivia describe a side of Chief Dodds he didn't know existed.

"And he mentioned he was surprised when he found out we," she swallowed a lump in her throat and croaked, "weren't together anymore. That it seemed like, to go through everything we'd gone through and…end up apart…that _he_ actually felt sorry for _me_."

More food arrived. Ed cut the quesadilla into pieces and put them on Noah's plate. He moved the rest to the center of the table, but it remained untouched for the time being.

"He's been different," Olivia was almost apologetic. Ed and Bill Dodds had always had a tense relationship, and she regretted not telling Ed about this particular conversation until now. "I feel like we're on the same team now, and I didn't before. And the last thing he said to me…one one particular day…was that he was dreading mandatory…and as he walked out, he looked around my office, and said 'none of this lasts, ya know.'"

Ed shook his head and replied softly, still holding her hand, "He's wrong. It does last. Everything you've done for victims will last forever, but other things last forever, too, Liv."

She lifted her eyes to meet his, "Like the three of us?"

It was all he could do to keep from jumping across the table and bear-hugging her. He played it cool. "Yeah," he replied, smirking uncontrollably, "I like the sound of that."

…..

 _Do what you believe is right._

 _Absolution._

 _It feels the same._

Olivia resolutely walked to the courthouse the morning of her testimony thinking about the past twenty-four hours. Barba had asked her to lie. Chief Dodds told her it was okay to lie. Ed, who had left the apartment minutes before Dodds arrived, was, like Olivia, pissed off at the entire scenario but even more offended that someone Olivia trusted had implicitly suggested she commit perjury. However, he did end their conversation the night before by kissing her and assuring her that he would support whatever she chose to do.

"I'm not going to lie, Ed. No matter the repercussions."

"I know," his smirk was barely visible in the moonlight as he tried to lighten the mood, "It's just somethin' I figured I had to say."

She playfully smacked his chest, appreciative that even in these dark circumstances he could make her smile.

But she ascended the courthouse steps with trepidation—sensing this case, like so many others, would inevitably be resolved albeit without proper levels of justice.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket.

 _Now what?_

It was Ed.

There were no words of wisdom. No sagely advice. No last-minute pep talks. Three simple words.

 _I love you._

….

Dodds, Barba, and Benson exchanged agonized glances as they processed the news of the firebombing. No police officer could ever rest easy or be complacent as a result of a major verdict, but this act of violence on the heels of such a charged victory revealed the stark reality that the city and the country had a long way to go before there was any chance of healing or recovery. And it stung.

"Drink?" Barba suggested.

Dodds appeared interested, but Olivia declined.

"I have to get home," she said, "Noah's probably running Tucker ragged."

There. A disclosure delivered in a simple sentence.

Both Barba and Dodds took it in stride.

"Another time," the Chief said with as much cheer as he could muster.

Barba didn't take his eyes off Olivia, "Yes. Another time."

Dodds said goodnight and left. Once again, Barba and Benson were alone.

"Tucker's back?" He asked rhetorically.

"Yeah," Olivia shoved files into her bag, "I never should've let him leave in the first place."

…

At home, Ed and Olivia finally had their romantic dinner. Ed cleared the small dining table and had everything waiting when Olivia walked through the door. Candles were lit. Wine had been poured. Two large bowls—one filled with pasta and the other with salad—separated two place settings.

"Kinda simple," he said, almost ruefully, "But better simple than inedible."

"I love it," she murmured, still a little in shock at the gesture. She hurried to change into jeans and a flowy t-shirt and joined Ed at the table. The meal was followed with small scoops of gelato and a glass of port which they finished while cuddled together on the couch.

When Olivia put her empty glass on the coffee table, she noticed a few unfamiliar brochures.

"From the zoo," Ed explained, pointing at one in particular. "The Plein Air painters…it's next month at the botanical gardens. They take ya through the whole process…could be interesting…something different."

Trembling ever so slightly, Olivia unfolded the pamphlet and read the headlines.

 _From Garden to Canvas: Watch plein-air artists create masterful works, and get inspired to create your own._

 _Purchase finished artwork!_

 _Artists will spread out across the Garden grounds in a public display of talent and technique, engaging casually with Garden visitors._

 _Something for Everyone—Children Welcome!_

Her speechlessness troubled Ed. "Liv? Something wrong?"

"No…no…" she quickly replied, "I've…I've wanted to see Plein Air Painters for a while…the last time they were here I missed it."

Ed tapped the date on the pamphlet and kissed her cheek.

"Take a vacation day if you have to," he said, "You're not missing it this time."

…..

 **#Tuckson**

 **#PleaseMisterNewShowrunnerMichaelChernuchinBringThemBackTogether**


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